


hold my hand (if i get scared)

by writing_way_too_much



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, American AU, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Homecoming, M/M, Slow Dancing, THE WORD COUNT IS 6969 LMAO, aka it's set in a small town in the midwest bc i live in a small town in the midwest, and then some angst and kisses and eventual happiness, background noren bc i love them, basically 5k words of chenle flirting with jisung and jisung being oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_way_too_much/pseuds/writing_way_too_much
Summary: “Why are they all so tall?” Chenle hisses in Jisung’s ear.“I’m taller than Jeno now,” Jisung recalls.“Okay, shut up, not all of us can be as tall as you, Mr. Puberty-hit-me-like-a-train.”“It did not.” Jisung kicks at Chenle’s toes.“It did too! You got all tall, and pretty, and you have cheekbones now, and--”Chenle abruptly stops talking. Jisung is just staring at him, in complete shock.(Jisung and Chenle go to homecoming together. As friends.)





	hold my hand (if i get scared)

**Author's Note:**

> ...hi lmao i'm still writing. i haven't posted anything in two/three months or something like that. december was crazy with the end of the semester and then january was a really weird month for me for multiple reasons. but i have lots of wips for a bunch of fandoms and i'm more on top of my schedule now, so i should be posting more.
> 
> i'm well aware that it's february and homecoming generally takes place in september. i had the idea for this in september. it's been sitting in my drafts for a while.
> 
> also!! this is definitely set in america. i'm very familiar with the american high school system (lol i hate it) and so there's lots of things about that in here.
> 
> title from "bloom" by troye sivan
> 
> disclaimer: this is completely fictitious. i own only the plot.
> 
> enjoy!!

Chenle always makes his presence known by basically draping himself over Jisung’s shoulders. Jisung has tried multiple times to get him to stop on the grounds of not liking human contact, to no avail. He doesn’t really mind it anyway.

“Are you going to the homecoming dance?”

Jisung tries to shrug Chenle off to get back to his geometry homework, because it is remarkably difficult to write proofs when someone is pretty much pinning your arms at your sides. “Probably not, why?”

Chenle removes himself from Jisung and sits on top of the desk next to him. Why Chenle can never bring himself to sit in chairs, Jisung will never figure out. “Cause I wanna go, but Renjun’s going with Jeno and I don’t want to third-wheel the entire time.”

“Okay, but why me? Why not, I don’t know, any of your other thousand and one friends?”

“They’re not my  _ best _ friend, that’s why.”

Jisung makes the mistake of looking up at those words. Chenle is beaming at him with the smile that’s always immediately bent Jisung to his will. “What does one even wear to a dance?”

“A tux,” Chenle says immediately. “Or, like, a nice dress shirt and fancy pants with creases in them. Ooh, we could get corsages to match each other’s shirts--”

“Is that still really going just as friends?” Jisung has to ask, just to make sure. Corsages is going a bit far, in his opinion.

Chenle stares him dead in the eye. “Who says we’re going just as friends?”

Frozen, Jisung can’t even begin to formulate a reply to that. Chenle bursts into laughter and whacks Jisung’s shoulder with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, which is arguably three sizes too big. Jisung thinks it might be his, because Chenle is a perpetual clothing thief. “You big goof, of course we’re going just as friends.”

Jisung really, really doesn’t know how to respond to  _ that _ , so he just rolls his eyes and refocuses on proofs.

  
  
  
  


**lele** :  _ im coming over be presentable for the public in three minutes _

Jisung stares at the text for two of his allotted three minutes, then realizes that there’s no stopping Chenle when he’s got an idea and scrambles to find clothes. He doesn’t think that boxers and an extra-large t-shirt he got free at a carnival are exactly presentable for the public.

When Chenle knocks on his door, the same odd pattern he always does that Jisung can never repeat quite correctly, Jisung has just finished pulling a hoodie over his head and nearly falls into the door in an attempt to open it. Chenle spends a solid fifteen seconds in breathless laughter while Jisung glares at him and fixes his hair.

“Okay, what are we doing?” Jisung asks once Chenle gets his breath back.

“Going to find fancy shirts for homecoming,” Chenle says immediately. “They can’t be clashing colors.”

_ That kind of sounds like a date, _ Jisung’s brain supplies. He tells it to shut up and tilts his head. “I thought only people who got dresses went officially ‘homecoming shopping,’ cause people in tuxes and stuff are boring.”

“We’re going to be not boring.” Chenle beams at him and damn, Jisung knows he’s going to agree.

Five minutes later, they’re standing in front of the only clothing store on their town’s tiny main street that has guys’ clothes, staring at the meager selection of men’s fancy items. Chenle tilts his head to the side, analyzing. Jisung doesn’t think any of the shirts are his color, particularly, but then Chenle grabs his arm and drags him inside, so Jisung must have thought wrong.

“Ooh, this would be so pretty on you, Jisungie...or that one...what size do you wear?”

Nobody’s ever called Jisung pretty before. Still reeling from the compliment, it takes him a moment to think of and stutter out his size. Chenle immediately starts flipping through the shirts until he finds some that match the measurements.

“Here, take these two.” Jisung dutifully holds out his arms and tries his best not to get any wrinkles on the shirts. “I’ll grab a couple...these ones, what do you think, I think they’re lovely, let’s go try them on!”

It isn’t awkward, changing in front of each other. They’ve been best friends since before preschool; they’ve seen each other shirtless a million times. Chenle always complains about the fact that Jisung has abs and he doesn’t when they go to the pool in the summer.

“That looks...really good on you,” Chenle says once Jisung’s gotten the first shirt buttoned all the way. His voice sounds a little strangled. Or maybe Jisung’s just imagining it.

“It just looks like a shirt,” Jisung says, to get Chenle to laugh.

They find the perfect shirts and try each other’s on and take a million pictures in the mirror because Chenle wants to. “For Instagram,” he explains, holding up his phone yet again. “Do a peace sign in this one.”

“Ah yes, Instagram,” Jisung monotones. “The most important thing. Our overlord. Instagram, we bow to you--”

“Shut up,” Chenle says, laughing.

(Jisung saves every single one of those pictures to his phone. Puts them in a new folder. Doesn’t title it yet.)

“Hoco...shirt...shopping...with...my...fave...yellow heart,” Chenle says out loud as they stand in line at the register. He types like a grandma, stabbing at the screen with his pointer finger. Jisung loves to make fun of him for it.

“You’re not worried about what people will think?” When Chenle gives him an odd look, Jisung rushes to explain. “About the heart, I mean. Isn’t that just a romantic thing?”

Chenle shrugs. “Who cares?”

_ Me _ , Jisung thinks,  _ I care _ , not sure what exactly he’s caring about. 

  
  
  
  


**lele_zhong** hoco shirt shopping with my fave💛

_ View all six comments _

**._.renjun._.** oooooooooh

**jisungpark** that was actually not as bad as i was expecting lol

**lele_zhong** @jisungpark well ofc not u were with me

**lele_zhong** @._.renjun._. wdym

  
  
  


“What do you suppose Renjun’s trying to get at?”

Jisung looks up blearily from his geometry homework. He’d forgotten three problems and was trying to do them before the first bell, but Chenle kept saying things under his breath as he scrolled through his phone and Jisung kept pausing his writing to try and hear him. “What are you talking about, Lele?”

“This.” Chenle shoves his phone in Jisung’s face. It’s too bright. Everything’s too bright on Monday mornings. Jisung needs more sleep. “What the heck is that ‘ooooh’ supposed to mean?”

“Probably just that,” Jisung says. “He thinks the heart meant something. Just like I said people would say.”

Chenle bites his lip for a moment, then shrugs and shuts his phone off. “What do I care?”

Jisung doesn’t finish the third problem. He can’t concentrate.

  
  
  
  


Jeno corners Jisung after lunch.

“Are you and Chenle a thing?”

Jisung blinks. He’s almost taller than Jeno now, he notes offhandedly. “Uh, no?”

“Do you want to be?”

“Uh, still no? He’s my best friend, Jeno, that’s weird.”

Jeno gives Jisung a long stare. “If you’re sure, Jisung.”

(Some part of Jisung catches on to what Jeno’s saying and whispers, so faintly he can easily choose to ignore it,  _ yes _ .)

  
  
  
  


Homecoming dance tickets are on sale in Ms. Krakovich’s room. Jisung and Chenle are both too afraid of her to go in and buy them.

“Should we just buy tickets at the dance?” Jisung whispers. He feels faintly ridiculous, hovering near the door of the most frightening honors English nine teacher the entire world has to offer. They’re both distinctly avoiding looking at the door.

“No, they’re ten dollars then and only seven dollars now,” Chenle whispers back, but he doesn’t look very convinced.

“I don’t think three extra dollars is worth it!” Jisung casts a nervous glance at the door, always exactly halfway open. From this angle, all he can see are desks. He’s okay with that.

“She isn’t really that scary,” Chenle tries to argue. His voice is too shaky for it to be compelling. “Just--what if we got Renjun to do it instead? He’s just as scary as her.”

“On it,” Jisung says, seizing the opportunity like a lifeline.

Renjun shows up a couple minutes later, one hand linked with Jeno’s, shoulders heaving with silent laughter when he sees their stakeout position. “Why are you so afraid of her? She doesn’t breathe fire or anything.”

“Injun, you do have to admit that she scared you last year,” Jeno says helpfully. Jisung mouths a thank you in his direction.

Jisung feels a tiny bit ridiculous when Renjun goes into the room and he, Chenle, and Jeno stack their heads like people do in the movies to watch. It isn’t that bad, though, because Chenle’s pretty much lying on top of him, and Jisung can’t say he minds.

Renjun comes out of Ms. Krakovich’s room twenty-eight dollars poorer and immediately holds his hand out for Chenle and Jisung’s money. “You’re welcome, wimps.”

  
  
  
  


**lele:** _hey where do u wanna eat before the dance_

“Hey, mom?” Jisung shouts down the stairs.

“Come down and talk to me normally! I will not hold a shouting conversation!” she shouts back.

“What would be the best place to eat at before the dance if it’s not really a date but you maybe want it to be but the other person’s sending mixed signals?”

Jisung’s mom dries her hands on a dishtowel, laughing. “How do you always get yourself into these situations, Jisungie?”

He ducks his head and curls up on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “I dunno, Mom, I just need advice.”

“Well, what sounds good to eat that’s near the school?”

There’s a Pizza King across the street from the high school. “Wouldn’t pizza be too messy, though?” Jisung worries. “I don’t want to get grease on nice clothes.”

His mother affectionately rolls her eyes. “Suggest it to your mystery person and see what their reaction is.” She pauses and then raises her eyebrows suggestively. “Am I allowed to know who it is?”

Jisung buries his face in his arms.

**jisung:** _what do u think about pizza king_

 **lele:** _yesss i’ve been craving that for weeks now_

  
  
  
  
  


“You guys should come to the homecoming game.”

Jisung looks up from what actually isn’t a geometry assignment for once. Renjun and Jeno, holding hands, are blocking his and Chenle’s only exit option.

“Can we not just go to the arcade like we’ve been doing with all the other football games?” Chenle tries. He’s sitting right next to Jisung as they both take notes on an AP World reading. Their knees are touching. Jisung’s trying not to think about it.

Renjun shakes his head. “Absolutely not. You want to see the marching band show, don’t you?”

“We’re gonna go to contests,” Jisung argues.

Jeno sighs. “Football games are fun, guys, I don’t know why you seem so intent on escaping them.”

“Not all of us get to sit in the band section with a hundred people we know well,” Chenle says. “Jisungie and I would have to sit alone somewhere and pretend to care about sports or get our heads bitten off.”

“The arcade, meanwhile, offers better food and pinball machines,” Jisung adds. “The winner is clear.”

Renjun looks like he’s about to bite their heads off himself. Jeno squeezes his hand. “If you don’t have fun, you never have to come to a game again,” he promises. “Try it. Just this once.”

  
  
  
  


“I am warm,” Chenle grumbles.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have worn a hoodie without a shirt under it in seventy degree weather,” Jisung says.

Chenle shoves at his shoulder. “Don’t tell me my fashion isn’t good.”

“I’m not saying it’s not good.” Quite the opposite, in fact. The neckline of Chenle’s sweatshirt is loose and keeps sliding down. Jisung can see his collarbones. “I’m just saying, don’t complain since it was your choice.”

“Got me there,” Chenle says, still not sounding happy about it. 

Jisung rolls his eyes at the exact instant something good must be happening down on the field, because the entire crowd around him rises to their feet, screaming. Chenle, despite not knowing shit about the game, jumps up too, grabbing Jisung’s hand and yelling louder than anyone. Jisung doesn’t care who wins or loses, but he’s always liked the odd occasion where he and Chenle hold hands, so he doesn’t say anything.

  
  
  
  
  


“Do you want me to do your makeup?” Chenle asks the following Saturday morning, managing to keep a straight face. Jisung doubles over in laughter and almost drops his phone.

“Hey, I can’t see--Jisung Park, you are the absolute worst at FaceTime, I swear--”

“Sorry,” Jisung wheezes, righting his phone and setting it down on his desk to avoid dropping it for real. “That was good, though, Lele.”

Chenle grins.

They’re not laughing at the idea of Jisung wearing makeup. They’re laughing because Chenle always does Jisung’s makeup for fancy events, even though it’s always super subtle. They do live in a place where it isn’t exactly socially acceptable for boys to wear makeup. Midwestern small towns aren’t great for that.

Jisung can’t hold any sort of makeup brush to save his life, which is why Chenle always does it for him, biting his lip in concentration, eyes focused on Jisung’s skin, faces the closest they ever get. Jisung doesn’t think he’ll ever tell Chenle how often his thoughts flip to how easy it would be to kiss him in those moments.

“So since your shirt is blue, I was thinking this subtle glittery blue eyeshadow that my aunt got me last Christmas,” Chenle says. “I could come over at like four and do makeup and then we could go eat entire pizzas and then pretend to care about socializing with people, how’s that sound?”

“Sounds great,” Jisung says, a bit distractedly. Renjun is texting him and he can’t read them fast enough before the notification is replaced with another one. “Hang on, i need to answer this real quick.”

Chenle murmurs agreement and Jisung taps on one of the frantic-looking texts.

**renjun:** _jisung jisung jisung_

 **renjun:** _shit shit i fucked up_

 **renjun:** _please answer me_

 **renjun:** _shit_

 **renjun:** _jisung_

 **renjun:** _jisung park_

**renjun:** _ shit _

**renjun:** _ shit _

**renjun:** _please answer your goddamn phone_

 **renjun:** _jisung_

 **renjun:** _jisung please_

 

 **jisung:** _oh my god what’s wrong_

 

 **renjun:** _i forgot to make dinner reservations_

**renjun:** _ and also i just tore one of the buttons off my shirt _

 

 **jisung:** _yikes_

 **jisung:** _just come to pizza king with me and chenle_

 **jisung:** _and come over and my mom can sew the button back on_

 

 **renjun:** _jisung park you are a lifesaver_

“Is everything good?” Chenle asks once Jisung re-enters FaceTime.

“Yeah, Renjun was freaking out cause he forgot to make dinner reservations and nowhere’s really available the day of.” A tiny bit of nervousness snakes its way into Jisung’s chest and he runs a hand through his hair. “I said he and Jeno could eat with us, is that okay?”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Chenle gives him an exaggerated wink. “Make it a double date.”

Jisung laughs it off and pretends his heart doesn’t leap up into his throat.

  
  
  
  


Renjun shows up about twenty minutes later. Chenle’s just hung up with Jisung to go plug in his phone and do the dishes for his mother, and Jisung still has a dumb smile on his face when he answers the door.

“I owe you,” Renjun rushes out. Jisung’s barely even gotten the front door open. It sticks in the summertime, and mid-September is still hot enough to catch it a little.

“Dude, it’s okay,” he says, waving Renjun in. “Mom, Renjun needs a small favor!” he yells in the direction of the living room.

“Come closer! I will not shout a conversation!” she yells back.

“Damn, she really does say that every time,” Renjun mutters under his breath. Jisung swallows a giggle.

“Okay, yeah, uh, okay. So. Renjun needs a button sewn back on his dress shirt or something,” Jisung says. Renjun looks at his mother with pleading eyes. She smiles and motions for him to come into the laundry room. 

“Oh, this is nice! It brings out your eyes,” Jisung hears her say. He snorts and squats down to pet his dog, who’s been pawing at his leg. All of his friends get super flustered when his mother compliments them. Even his dad blushes sometimes when she flirts with him, and they’ve been married for almost twenty years.

“Hi, honey.” His dog nuzzles her nose into his hand and he pets her ears with his other hand. “Is Renjun here? Is Renjun your favorite? You scare him, you know.”

“She does not!” Renjun shouts from the laundry room, and Jisung fails to stifle his laughter this time.

Fifteen minutes later, the button is back on and Renjun looks about three seconds away from groveling on the floor at Jisung’s feet. “I love you, you’re the best, I owe you, seriously, I love you--”

“Jeno’ll be getting jealous,” Jisung teases, and Renjun punches him in the shoulder kind of hard. He tries not to wince, though. He knows Renjun’s just nervous.

“Okay, so, meeting at Pizza King at four? And then pictures, and then the dance?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

“ ‘Kay, cool, see you, thanks again!”

Renjun’s halfway out of the driveway when it occurs to Jisung that now he’s gonna have to take pictures with Chenle. Like couples do. Homecoming pictures in the park. Shit.

  
  
  
  


**jisung:** _hey since injun and jeno are eating with us_ _do u wanna go do pictures with them too_

 

 **lele:** _oh heck yeah_

 **lele:** _my grandmother was bugging me about that anyways_

  
  
  
  


They decided to skip the corsages, because those are hella expensive, but it still really, really, honest-to-God feels like a date, because Jisung is getting out of his mom’s car and walking up to Chenle’s door. In formal wear. Because they’re about to go to a dance together.

Oh lord.

“Coming!” Chenle shouts from inside when Jisung rings the doorbell. “I just need my shoes--crap--ow, that was my knee--”

When Chenle opens the door, Jisung is near doubled over in laughter, and Chenle grins himself and then snaps a completely unauthorized picture. Jisung hates the way his face looks when he laughs and grimaces.

“Why’d you, uh…” Jisung awkwardly points to the phone in Chenle’s hand. Chenle flashes a smirk at him, then sits down on the bottom step of the staircase off of the foyer to tie his shoes.

“Oh, be ready. I’m gonna be taking so many pictures tonight. My grandmother--who, as you know, lives all the way out in Oregon--has been emailing me night and day with reminders to ‘commemorate the occasion.’ Jesus. Therefore, you are my unwilling model.”

Jisung sighs dramatically. “Couldn’t you subject Renjun or Jeno to these shenanigans?”

Chenle smiles hugely. Jisung thinks he sees longing in his eyes, but only for a split second. “Absolutely not.”

  
  
  
  


Renjun and Jeno are already at Pizza King. Renjun’s wringing his hands, saying something low and anxious to Jeno, who calmly waves Jisung and Chenle over like nothing’s wrong.

“Hey, darling,” Jeno says to Renjun as Jisung pulls out a chair for Chenle without thinking about it. “See? They’re here and it’s fine. We’re about to eat. Your dad is going to take a million pictures of us. It’s okay. Stop worrying.”

“ ‘M not worrying,” Renjun mutters.

Jeno laughs and leans over to press a kiss to Renjun’s cheek. “It’s okay to worry, sweetheart, but you don’t need to worry any more.”

Renjun turns his head to kiss Jeno full on the lips and Jisung and Chenle exchange a look of mutual exasperation. “Hello? There are children here?” Chenle says in mock outrage.

“Oh, sorry,” Renjun retorts, sounding calmer. “Are we corrupting your pure, innocent brains--”

“Bullshit,” Jisung snorts.

“Might I add, we’re also not straight,” Chenle says with a shit-eating grin. “So, like, I guess you could turn us gayer, but I don’t think that’s how it works--”

“Shut up,” Renjun says. Jeno rolls his eyes fondly, slinging an arm around Renjun’s shoulders and pulling him into his side. With his other hand, he picks up the phone at the table.

“Hi, can we just have four orders of breadsticks? Table six.”

“I’m jealous of how easily you can talk to people on the phone,” Chenle says when Jeno hangs up. “I always get stuttery and nervous.”

“You can get nervous?” Jisung asks, pretending to be surprised. Chenle shoves at his shoulder.

Their breadsticks arrive, and they fall on them like starving wolves. Renjun is obsessively careful not to get any stains on his shirt or pants. Jeno smiles indulgently and kisses the top of his head.

Jeno orders them their pizzas after Chenle pouts at him. Jisung keeps one eye on the time. The dance starts at seven, and when the clock ticks over to six, he wipes his fingers clean with his napkin and sends what he tries to not be a frantic text to his mom.

**jisung:** _hey mom um this feels way too much_ _like a date how can i make it not be_

“Hey, should we head out soon? The park is probably pretty crowded, and we don’t want to run out of time,” he says, trying to play it off as nonchalant. The truth is, Jisung would rather stay in this Pizza King forever, joking with his friends. He doesn’t want to go to the dance. He’ll act couple-y with Chenle and just hate himself more for it.

“That’s a good idea,” Renjun agrees. “My dad’s there with the dogs, and he says it’s a disaster.”

“Great,” Chenle mumbles sarcastically. Jisung’s the only one who hears him and rolls his eyes.

**mom:** _It’s okay if it is a date, whoever it is. I’ll support you no matter what._

He takes a deep breath.

  
  
  
  


The park is crowded. Jisung thinks ninety-five percent of the school must be here. Renjun’s dad spots them and comes over, clearing a path with the dogs. Girls practically leap out of the way to avoid any potential dog spit landing on their dresses. Chenle falls into Jisung laughing and Jisung tries not to fixate on how warm he is.

“Alright, boys. We can either fight to the death for a spot by the river or we can just go over by some of those nice trees. I’m thinking option two.”

“I agree,” Jeno says. He looks thoroughly overwhelmed. Jisung can relate.

Renjun’s dad gives Jisung the leashes of the dogs and Chenle kneels down to play with them, apparently not worried about grass stains. Jisung admires that.

“Stand nicely, next to each other...okay, now hold hands...turn away from me and hold hands...turn back, put your arm around his shoulder, Jeno...oh, very nice…”

“I forgot that Renjun’s dad is like an actual legitimate photographer,” Jisung says absently. Chenle looks up at him with a dog on either side of him and Jisung’s heart just melts.

“Yeah. I wonder what poses he’ll have us do.”

“...kiss,” Renjun’s dad says. Jeno turns pink, but Renjun cups his face and stretches on his tiptoes and kisses him, and Jisung unbiddenly wonders about kissing Chenle and turns even pinker than Jeno.

“Okay, those all turned out well. Here, Jisung, give Renjun the dogs.”

There are snakes writhing around in Jisung’s stomach. Butterflies aren’t even close.

They stand nicely next to each other. Chenle slings an arm around Jisung’s shoulders. Renjun makes them laugh and Jisung just hopes that the picture doesn’t turn out too awfully.

“What about one more silly kind of pose?” Renjun’s dad asks. 

“Bridal carry!” Chenle exclaims immediately.

“I hate to break it to you, Lele, but you have sticks for arms. I’d break you,” Jisung snickers.

“No, dumbass--sorry, Mr. Huang--no, I meant you pick me up. Obviously.”

So there is a picture on Mr. Huang’s camera of Jisung holding Chenle bridal-style. Chenle’s got one arm flung out, uncaring, but the other one has a death grip around Jisung’s neck. Jisung is sure he’s laughing un-photogenically. Jeno wolf-whistles and Jisung glowers at him where Chenle can’t see.

Jisung’s honestly just glad Mr. Huang didn’t ask them to kiss, because he isn’t sure if he would have refused.

  
  
  
  


They walk back to the high school, joining the mass of people waiting outside the doors. Renjun spots someone he knows and drags Jeno off and suddenly Jisung and Chenle are alone in a sea of people and it feels a little bit like drowning.

“Why are they all so tall?” Chenle hisses in Jisung’s ear.

“I’m taller than Jeno now,” Jisung recalls.

“Okay, shut up, not all of us can be as tall as you, Mr. Puberty-hit-me-like-a-train.”

“It did not.” Jisung kicks at Chenle’s toes.

“It did too! You got all tall, and pretty, and you have  _ cheekbones _ now, and--”

Chenle abruptly stops talking. Jisung is just staring at him, in complete shock.

“I--I--I mean--” Chenle flounders, and they’re saved by the opening of the doors and the rush of people to get into the school.

The gym is done up all fancy, with a canopy stretched between the closed bleachers and strings of white Christmas lights draped all over the walls. The dj is already playing shitty rap music, with so many multicolored strobe lights that Jisung’s head hurts just looking in there.

“Loud,” Chenle says. They’re standing at the doorway. Other students flow past them, girls already taking off their heels, the guys all looking bored. Jisung can see Renjun and Jeno, slow dancing to the most aggressively non-slow dancing song Jisung’s ever heard.

“Yeah,” Jisung agrees.

Chenle stares at the dj for a couple more seconds, then turns. “Um, what do you say we go look at the refreshments?”

“I like that idea,” Jisung says.

He sneaks a glance back at Renjun and Jeno. They’re swaying to some beat nobody else can hear. Jisung can see the smile on Renjun’s face from here. For some reason, it hurts somewhere inside his chest.

“They have pretzels!” Chenle gasps. Jisung smiles fondly after him. It’s like his own damn face is betraying him at this point.

“Why exactly did you want to come to this, again?” he asks after Chenle has devoured so many pretzels that the girl manning the snack table has politely asked him to stop. “We’re just standing in the corner awkwardly drinking Diet Coke.”

“Dunno. Maybe I thought they’d be playing less shitty music.” Chenle shrugs. Jisung takes a long drink.

They stay that way for a while, simply existing, talking a bit, mostly people-watching. Jisung’s doing his best to not freak out, because it kind of looks like they’re on a date. Kind of. Everyone looks like they’re on a date at homecoming, he supposes.

But then a good song comes on and Chenle’s eyes light up and Jisung tosses his long-finished Coke can into the trash and follows Chenle back into the gym, because he’ll kind of follow him anywhere. That could be a problem. 

Jisung doesn’t like dancing in front of other people, but Chenle’s grinning breathlessly and making grabby hands at him, so he dances, and it isn’t actually the worst thing that’s ever happened. A couple other people stop to watch for a bit and Jisung gets shy, but Chenle grabs his hand again and spins him around and Jisung laughs and forgets himself.

  
  
  
  


He’s been on exactly two dates before. One was in sixth grade, on a school trip to an amusement park. The girl in question sat by him on the bus and held his hand on rollercoasters. It wasn’t bad, except for the fact that Jisung is gay as fuck, so it didn’t work out.

The other was last year, to the movies, and at the end the girl had kissed Jisung and he had felt spectacularly nothing. His first kiss, and it had been nothing but disappointing. He’s wondered since then what kissing a boy would feel like, but he lives in a small Midwestern town. Boys willing to kiss him aren’t exactly in ready supply.

  
  
  
  


If this is a date--and Jisung is realizing that he wants it to be--it’s definitely the best one he’s been on.

  
  
  
  


“And now, time for a change of pace!” the dj announces. The amount of peppiness in his voice must be illegal. “This one goes out to all the couples!”

Renjun and Jeno have been slow-dancing for the past forty-five minutes, Jisung notes, and they just match their pace to the song, Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect.”

Chenle taps Jisung’s shoulder. He’s always had his emotions written out all over his face, but Jisung can’t quite read him right now. “May I have this dance?” he jokes, holding out a hand to Jisung.

“I might step on your toes,” Jisung warns, accepting Chenle’s hand nonetheless.

Somehow, they end up in a fairly standard slow-dancing position. One of Chenle’s arms is around Jisung’s waist, Jisung’s hand on his shoulder, and they’ve got their other hands clasped together. Maybe Jisung’s imagining it, but Chenle’s palm almost feels sweaty.

“ _ Baby, you look perfect, tonight,” _ Ed Sheeran croons over the speakers. Over Chenle’s shoulder, Jisung catches a glimpse of Renjun and Jeno, staring at each other like nothing else in the world matters. That strange hollowness opens up in his chest again.

“Hey, um,” Chenle starts, bringing Jisung’s attention back to his face. He can’t seem to get past that, swallowing nervously.

“What?” Jisung asks, trying to be gentle. It’s hard when his heart is racing a mile a minute.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Chenle says with what Jisung can tell is forced lightness. “I’ve kissed a couple of girls and not enjoyed it, and I know I’m gay, but there aren’t really any, um, any other gay guys that I know that would be willing to kiss me, but…”

Jisung’s heart is in his throat. “I’m, uh. I like boys,” he offers.

Chenle laughs a tiny, stilted laugh. “I know, Sungie. I was just wondering, uh, wondering what it would feel like to kiss a boy.”

This is going to be how Jisung dies. This is it. What a way to go. “I was actually just thinking about that too.”

“So…” Chenle stares up at Jisung, right into his eyes. “I just wanna know what kissing boys is like, you know?”

“I know,” Jisung manages.

Chenle’s gaze darts to his mouth and stays there, and then Jisung isn’t entirely sure how it happens, but they’re kissing.

And oh god, it feels  _ nothing _ like kissing a girl.

It’s a short kiss, because it has to be. They’re in the middle of the very crowded gym, surrounded by their classmates, in a small town in the Midwest. But it’s long enough to make Jisung reconsider just about every thought he’s been having about Chenle in the past couple of weeks.

Chenle’s eyes are closed, and Jisung takes the opportunity to stare unabashedly at him, memorizing the planes of his face in case he never gets to see them again, in case Chenle opens his eyes and pushes Jisung away and the spell is broken.

That doesn’t happen.

Chenle opens his eyes and meets Jisung’s gaze. “Well, I have my information now,” he says shakily.

And safety be damned, Jisung can’t think of anything else other than the way Chenle’s mouth felt on his, so instead of a snarky response, what comes out is “Can I kiss you again?”

“I would not mind that,” Chenle whispers, and so Jisung bends down again and fits their mouths together.

The gym is loud, and dark, and the song switches to something heavy and scream-y. Nobody pays any mind to the two boys by the wall, exchanging simple kisses like their lives depend on it.

Chenle’s hand is cupping the back of Jisung’s neck, his fingers playing a little with Jisung’s hair. Every inch of where they’re touching feels like it’s on fire but in a good way. Jisung thinks privately that he could live in this moment forever.

  
  
  
  


(Renjun and Jeno notice, because of course they do. Jeno smiles down at Renjun, who’s curled into his side.

“That took them frickin’ forever,” Renjun mutters.

Jeno laughs softly. “How much do you wanna bet they won’t talk about it and be confused and heartbroken?”

“I’ll bet you five kisses of our own.” Renjun smirks. Jeno grins.

“Oh, you don’t need a bet for that.”)

  
  
  
  


It’s only when the dance ends and they get separated in the crush of people does it hit Jisung what just happened.

He kissed his best friend. He kissed Chenle. Several times, actually.

And he liked it.

Jisung finds his mom’s car in the line and gets in the front seat, staunchly avoiding all of her questions and running his tongue over his lips, again and again and again, remembering how it felt to have Chenle’s mouth on his.

They get home and Jisung goes straight upstairs, rapidly wiping the makeup off with a washcloth and taking off his formal wear before crawling under the covers and really letting the full weight of what happened hit him.

Somewhere in the back of Jisung’s mind, a quiet little voice is getting louder, and it’s saying very insistently that Jisung didn’t just enjoy kissing Chenle because he was a boy. It’s saying there’s something else, something that explains the hitch in his breathing when Chenle puts makeup on his eyes and the thumping of his heart when they sit so close to each other that their legs press up against each other. The voice is telling Jisung to look at the way Renjun and Jeno interact with each other and compare it to his and Chenle’s friendship, and, oh  _ shit _ \--

Jisung’s got a crush on his best friend.

  
  
  
  
  


His mom lets him sleep in until one Sunday afternoon, then makes him get up and do chores. She tactfully doesn’t ask how the not-quite-a-date went, presumably gathering from the downturned corners of Jisung’s mouth that he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Chenle doesn’t text him the whole day.

  
  
  


Jisung’s alarm doesn’t go off Monday morning, so he’s later than usual getting to school, plopping down into his seat right before the bell. He and Chenle don’t have first hour together, so he spends the time dreading the ticking of the clock instead of doing his study guide.

He gets to second hour, and Chenle’s already there, staring determinedly out the window. That’s all the confirmation Jisung needs.

He caught feelings and Chenle didn’t.

There’s nothing else he wants to know.

  
  
  


Jisung skips lunch that day, sitting in the back of the library fighting the tears.

(He doesn’t know that Chenle also avoids the cafeteria. Renjun and Jeno exchange a knowing glance and Jeno leans over to press five kisses to Renjun’s lips. Someone sighs behind them. They’re well known for being the most affectionate couple in the school.)

  
  
  
  
  


Jisung hadn’t made his bed this morning, and he falls into it when he gets home from school, staring up at the ceiling, feeling almost fragile, like the slightest motion will cause him to shatter. Feeling like there are tears right behind his eyes even though they’re dry. Feeling a thousand things and nothing at once.

His phone buzzes and he knows without looking that it’s Chenle, but he can’t bring himself to answer it. He doesn’t want written evidence of his heartbreak.

He’s still in the same position an hour later, staring at the ceiling, when there’s a flurry of knocks on his bedroom door, and he can tell that it’s Chenle. Huh. He must’ve gotten concerned when Jisung ignored him.

“Come in,” Jisung calls, because what else can he say? His voice comes out scratchy.

Chenle nearly breaks the door in his rush to open it and stops short when he sees Jisung. “Sungie, what’s wrong?”

_ Like you don’t know,  _ Jisung thinks derisively, and okay. Jisung’s crying now. That’s cool. “Nothing,” he mumbles, curling up on his side. Two can play at this game.

“Obviously it’s not nothing,” Chenle says. Jisung feels the mattress dip as he sits down. “Sungie, why are you crying? Did something happen?”

Something did happen, multiple times, and now Jisung’s gone and fallen heads over heels for a boy that he’s certain only kissed him because he wanted to know what it felt like, and he starts to cry harder, back turned.

An arm wraps around Jisung’s waist, fingers coming to rest on his stomach, and Chenle gently urges him to turn until they’re facing each other. “You know you can tell me anything,” he says quietly.

_ Except this, _ Jisung doesn’t say.

Chenle’s arm is still around Jisung’s waist, his other arm snaked underneath Jisung’s neck. Like it was when they slow danced, Jisung thinks, and cries a little bit harder.

“Did someone hurt you?” Chenle asks, and his voice is so impossibly gentle. Jisung shakes his head, because no, Chenle didn’t do anything to hurt him, it wasn’t on purpose, it isn’t his fault. Although Jisung doesn’t get why Chenle’s playing dumb now. “Did someone else that you care for get hurt?”

“No,” Jisung gets out. “No, I just--I just--”

He breaks down harder and Chenle pulls his head into his chest. Jisung’s tears are leaving a big wet spot on the front of Chenle’s sweatshirt, but Chenle doesn’t seem to care. “It’s okay, Sungie, I got you. It’s okay.”

He kisses the top of Jisung’s head. Jisung feels his heart break just a little bit more. God, how is he so torn up over this one boy?

They fall asleep like that, at four thirty on a monday afternoon. Chenle falls asleep first, his fingers, which had been drawing idle patterns on Jisung’s side underneath his t-shirt, stilling. Jisung can feel his heartbeat, steady and sure, and that lulls him to sleep too.

Jisung wakes up some hours later as the sun’s setting, light streaming in through his window and hitting him directly in the face. He squeezes his eyes shut on reflex and only once he’s recovered from being blinded does he realize the position he and Chenle are in.

His mouth’s dry, way too dry, and everything is very warm, and whenever Chenle breathes out, Jisung feels it on the back of his neck. Jisung kind of feels like crying again, but he’s exhausted all of his tears.

“Hey,” he says quietly. Partially because he wants to talk. Partially because his arm is asleep from where Chenle’s lying on top of it.

Chenle wakes up adorably, all blinky and soft. Jisung can feel tears threatening again. Damnit. “Hi?”

Jisung takes a deep breath, gathering all of his courage. “I think we need to talk.”

“I think you’re right.”

They rearrange themselves so that Jisung can shake out his numb arm and neither of them are blowing gross just-woke-up breath into each other’s faces. Chenle’s sitting criss cross, half of his butt on Jisung’s pillow, leaning against the headboard. Jisung’s still lying down, knees curled up to his chest. Maybe if he stays like that the hurt will go away.

“I just wanna apologize,” Jisung starts. Chenle’s eyes go wide and he opens his mouth, but Jisung holds up a hand. “No, um...you deserve an apology, so. Here goes. I caught feelings for you, and I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it till we kissed, and I liked it so, so much--” and here his voice breaks and he rubs the base of his palm furiously into his eyes “--but I’m ruining our entire friendship, cause I, uh, I like you, a lot, and I think I would like to be your boyfriend, but I know that’s not going to happen, so. I’m sorry.”

Chenle blinks three terrifying times and then his face breaks into a smile.

“Jisungie, who suggested the idea of us kissing in the first place?”

“You did?” Jisung guesses, bewildered.

“Why on earth would I have done that if I didn’t like you?”

Does he mean what Jisung thinks he does? “To see what it was like?”

“No, silly.” Chenle slides down till he’s facing Jisung again, grinning, the happiest Jisung thinks he’s ever seen him. “Cause I like you, and I wanted to kiss you but be sneaky about it.”

Jisung holds his breath. This can’t be true.

A crease appears between Chenle’s eyebrows. “But I made you cry, and I wasn’t planning on that. I didn’t...I didn’t think you liked me back, cause I’d been trying to flirt with you for weeks but you weren’t picking up on it--”

“Oh my god, you were?”

“--yes, you dumbass, so really I just wanted an excuse to kiss you even if it never went anywhere.”

“It can go somewhere,” Jisung says, feeling brave.

Chenle glances briefly at his lips. “That would be quite nice.”

“Chenle, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”

“It would be my pleasure, Jisung.”

(Chenle’s mouth tastes horrible because of the nap. Jisung doesn’t mind.)

  
  
  
  


“Took you guys long enough,” is the first thing out of Renjun’s mouth. Jeno hits him playfully, laughing.

Jisung looks down at his and Chenle’s joined hands, vaguely embarrassed. “Just cause you two are master of communication doesn’t mean that we are.”

Chenle squeezes his hand. It’s very reassuring. “But hey, we got there in the end, didn’t we?”

“I feel like a proud father,” Jeno says.

“That’s my role,” Renjun argues.

Jisung looks over at Chenle, this amazing boy that he gets to call his, and he thinks all of the tears and teenage angst were worth it, if it got him here.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments and kudos make me smile :)
> 
> hmu on tumblr @bestfluteninja
> 
> also: you probably noticed that this fic wasn't in lapslock, like most of my other fics. please, please let me know which style you prefer. i've been wondering about that a lot recently. ty <3
> 
> (and if you're reading my nct multi-chapter email fic "subject: i fell in love," that will be updated before the end of the month. pinky promise.)


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